it was the best of rides, it was the worst of rides

i was pwning the ride. for those of you not familiar with "pwning", it can be defined as what michael phelps did at the olympics. i was going 1-5mph faster than last week at every point.

this is odd, because i did nothing in my training to warrant an increase (though i suppose rest is a factor), other than read about interval training and plan to maybe do some in the future.

at this point in the posting, you should go here and check out the very cool photography, taken of pro racers just after their finish of the giro d'italia, which is the tour de france's lesser known (here!) brother. i look like that right now, only i have a laptop.

i had a nightmare last night that someone had put big, fat, knobbly mountain bike tires on my beautiful road bike. i fretted and argued with whomever it was, and finally resorted to waking myself up to escape the terrible situation. i convinced myself, without leaving my bed, that it was all a horrible dream, and managed to go back to sleep. somehow.

turns out this was a premonition, of sorts.

i had, as usual, many great thoughts on my ride. my weekend ride is nothing if not entertaining. i passed Bowdler and his family on canada road, and wouldn't have noticed him (rather unlike me, i tend to watch the riders) because i was focusing on the numbers. the numbers, by the way, were very good. back in my hiking days, i harnessed a great force which i called The Power Of Pissed Off. It had to do with being 10 miles out on a hike with hot water, mealy clif bars, no sunscreen, and poison oak all around. that pissed me the hell off and i hiked faster and harder. whelp, i've been generally pissed off the last week or so, and maybe that had something to do with my (relative) speed today (speaking of speed, i was nearing woodside on canada, pedaling "my fastest" and patting myself on the back, when a guy zoomed effortlessly past me. to my credit, i get passed by fewer people each week, but this guy smoked me rather shamefully). i've been dragging around a lot of nervousness, and maybe that translated into muscle twitch. it should not, actually, worry should hurt my performance (so maybe i'd do even better if i don't worry, be happyed!). and i took a pretty long run yesterday, then proceeded to stressfully drive around the bay looking for Something and dehydrating myself rather severely. not a good setup.

the Something was a seat-rail mounted double water cage, to jut out behindus my bike. not only to make me look cool (like, as cool as the guy with shaved legs whom i smoked around mile 38. he was with a lady friend, who also had shaved legs. i was dying to ask them if they used the same razor, but i restrained myself), but to be able to leave my camelback at home, thus allowing me to wear my Arrogant Bastard jersey, and thereby looking cool. no leg-shaving required! hah! in truth, it may have been my lack of camelback that helped me. i had about 20oz less water on me today (with leftovers at the end), and no leg warmers and jacket. it may be the lack of that weight, but i'm betting that it had more to do with aerodynamics than weight. the camelback creates a lot of drag.

now, maybe the effects of drag are minimal at my average speed, but they do count for something at top speed, which is still much slower than that one dude (though after he passed me i kept up until i remembered i was racing myself, not him).

here is one of the funny thoughts i thunk to myself on my ride today: a dude and i were at a stoplight which led to an incline and it was red. wait, that's not the thought, that's the setup. the thought's coming soon, after a little more setup. (as an aside: windows updated itself and rebooted itself right in the middle of my data dump from my HRM. that's not only rude, but i feared my german HRM software would plotz from the interruption. fortunately, it seems not to have corrupted itself, so i didn't lose any of my important papers please.)

so, the light turned green, and he hops out of his seat and does the "i saw this on the tour de france" swaying of his bike from side to side, glumping down hard on the pedals. meanwhile, i'm in a low gear, and i spin up to 95rpm and zip past him, never to see him again. now, finally, the funny thought: "that's not working for you nearly as well as my sit-n-spin method". ha!

as i turned on to sand hill from whiskey hill (mmmmm, whiskey! which reminds me, last night i had some wild turkey 101 rye. the 101 means it's 101 proof, which is rather freaking high, just as you were thinking. now, some weeks ago, a spirit guide told me that he likes to let his whiskey breathe. since then, i leave the whiskey sit for 5-10 minutes, after pouring, before drinking, and it improves most whiskeys enormously. in this case, it allowed a lot of the harsher vapors to evaporate, and while it was still not exactly smooth, it was eminently drinkable, with really great aromas, oakiness, plenty of rye character, floral sweetness, and, of course, a bit of burn. contrasted to the last time i tried it neat (years ago) and it nearly choked me to death.) i actually pulled over and checked my rear tire, thinking i had a flat. heh, no, i had no flat, it was merely the shock of transitioning from a -3% grade to a 7% grade, which threw my senses for a loop. i laughed at myself, apologized to a rider whom i inconvenienced, and proceeded on my way.

i stopped at portola and alpine for a sunscreen break. hops had given me a little plastic container for sunscreen, which was a great idea and a great help. my weekend rides exceed 3 hours (on account of i'm faster than i was last week, but i'm still slow) during which it would be ill advised not to reapply sunscreen (lest i end up looking like magnus backstedt. magnus who? go click on that link, i told you to!). unfortunately, i encountered the same problem that i had last week: the fucker wouldn't fucking open. argh!!! i removed my gloves and tried to use them to provide traction. no help. i'm strong enough for many things, but not really great at opening things, and it doesn't help when they're small and i'm all sweaty. i was spending way too much time on opening the dingus, and not making any progress, even employing tricks which helped last week.

i made an executive decision. i feel bad about it, actually, really bad. like that one time when my parents gave me some vienna sausages to take on my trip to lake cahuilla, and my mom said that grandpa really liked vienna sausages, but when we got there, everyone said they looked like little peckers, and laughed at me for having them, so i opened them and we threw them into the lake. i don't think i even tried one. then, grandpa died, and i've carried the guilt ever since.

anyhow, the dingus, frustratingly malfunctioning as it was, was a gift of sorts from hops, and she was very pleased that she had a dingus that fit my need so precisely, as it did, or at least, would have, if i had even once been able to get it open on the road in a timely fashion. but at that point, my choices were between destroying the dingus to get the magic juice out, or sustaining a horrendous sunburn. i was wearing my tank-top, too, but it's my schnozz that really worried me. anyhow, i threw it at the ground, and it taunted me, failing to break. it did this twice until i really put some effort into it and smashed it but good.

i was able to salvage enough sunscreen to apply another coat, but i really could have used more later, which i did not have.

anyhow, i got back underway. and then, about a mile after the turnaround point on the appendix of my ride, i had a blowout. not a leak like last time i got a flat on the road, no hiss or fft-fft as the wheel went around. no, it was a POP! like a balloon, and i pulled over immediately. i credit my cleverness for walking into the shade before changing my tire. yay me.

now, this was the first time i'd changed a tire on this bike entirely by myself (Bowdler helped me the other two times), and the second time i'd changed a bike tire in my whole life. i was really bummed that i wasn't going to set any speed record today. it was my rear tire, too, which is much more complicated to repair because the chain is there.

i went about it carefully. in the 10-20 minutes i was there changing it, at least that many people asked if i was okay, needed help, and had all the gear i needed. once again, i was reminded how fortunate i am to live in such an excellent place. more on this in a moment.

i located the problem, the tire had a blown out hole in it, about the size of the presta valve, with rubber streamers pointing out and everything. a real explosion.

i found no debris on the inside of the tire, and nothing poking out of the tube. when i located the hole in the tube, there was a little white thing in it, which i pushed out. it turned out to be a piece of crystallized mineral, or something. it looked like a piece of stalagmite. it was big. i figure it worked its way into the tire, then into the tube, sealing itself in, until pressure was applied to the opposite side of the tire, which then caused an explosion.

i ended up fixing the tire admirably, re-figuring out how my CO2 pump works, not getting too greasy, and not screwing up my chain. shifting is now a little off, like every time i've removed the rear wheel, but my training schedule does not permit a trip to the bike shop for something minor, and i think i know how to fix this problem, so i will have the pleasure of expanding my bike repair skills.

speaking of which, i had several takeaways from this experience (takeaways! i'm ready for management!):

1 - i was able to safely man-oo-ver my bike after a total tire failure. no need to fear a blowout any more.
2 - i was able to replace the tube on the harder of the 2 wheels. no need to worry about that any more.
3 - the bay area has awesome people. i only hope all my flats are on the well-traveled paths.

now, i've ridden by people changing flats before, just as many people rode by me while i was changing mine, without offering help. in my case, it was because i worried they'd call my bluff and i knew nothing. well, now i know something, and i'm going to be one of those awesome people who offers help and parts next time i pass a person with a flat.

as i approached ralston, i figured my 50 mile route can be divided into two parts: the part that is the ralston ascent, and the part that isn't. the second part is easy. i used my same strategy from last week, of taking it easy, and i reached the top in very good shape.

all in all, an eventful ride. just what i need to entertain me on a sunday.