more beer flavor!

on the way to work today i saw a billboard for budweiser or miller or some other such domestic mass produced shite. they've got some special new can that supposedly "locks in more great beer flavor", supposedly by keeping the "beer" colder.

now, once i got past the ridiculousness of this claim -- wait, I didn't. allow me to share with you, dear reader, fellow beer drinkers, the plethora of reasons why this idea is silly :

1 - all the beers that i drink, much less make, have so goddamn much beer flavor that they can afford to lose a little bit of it and still be mighty tasty fuckin beers. my belgian stout is in no need of special canning devices to "lock in the precious beer flavor". you could remove 50% of the "beer flavor" from any of my batches (well, excepting batch #2) and still be left with a totally beerilicous brew. evidently budweiser or coors or whoever is afraid that the loss of trace amounts of their "beer flavor" will leave you holding a glass of vaguely yellowed water. rightly so, from what i understand.

2 - okay, let's assume for the moment that a given beer is in danger of losing it's precious "beer flavor" to evaporation or radioactive decay or poor investment planning or whatever it is that miller is trying to protect against. they way to fix it is certainly not to make the "beer" colder, because as everybody knows, the colder the beer, the more deadened to flavor the tongue becomes, and thus the less likely one is to taste the minute amounts of "beer flavor" left over after the majority has been siphoned off by alcoholic space aliens or whatever.

3 - finally, why is it that sierra nevada (not that i particularly like them), or gordon bee-ersh (them neither) or any of the other smallish american brews, or any of the germans, belgians, english, scottish, and other types who know their shit when it comes to malty beverages are not clamoring to provide us with innovative new ways to "protect" and "preserve" "beer flavors"? eh? the germans are perhaps the most meticulous people ever when it comes to beer making, yet they bottle their beers in glass the same as everyone else. so how come it's only budweiser that's so concerned with protecting the "beer flavor" by inventing new spiffy cans and sixpack cardboard? in short: have they so run out of good things to say about the beer that they must advertise the containment methods instead to move their product? clearly, the answer is "bleah, this shit isn't beer!"