blast from the past

last night, digging through some old backups, i found a "zip.zip" which appeared, based on content, to date back to my college years, and contained several other zip files and something tantalizingly named "harangue.txt". all the files were encrypted and i could not unzip them, even using all my "standard" passwords. so i searched the web for a .zip file password cracker, since i know .zip is easily decrypted. found just what i needed and it quickly found the password. sadly, the cracker, being unregistered shareware, would not tell me the password, it just told me it had found it and unzipped the first file in the .zip. even more sadly, that first file was totally uninteresting, being a couple of ML test programs from my latter college years. ick.

so i did some more searching and found a crack for the cracker (heh), gave it another go, and before i knew it, i'd unzipped the whole thing. reproduced below is the text of "harangue.txt", which, evidently, was intended for publication in the school rag, and, also evidently, was never quite finished. i don't think i ever sent it in, the writing of the thing having relieved the stress which prompted its creation. what a pompous ass i was back then, but do note, dear reader, that my views on the matter have changed little since then, as evidenced by my behavior.

in addition to the harangue, i came across a forgotten gem which blew my mind and cracked me up. if you've the courage to run on your PC an .exe created in my freshman year of college, dear reader, then knock yourself out. guaranteed laughs.

and now, as promised...

(note: the "gulf war" referred to below is the first one. you know, bush senior. the one that wasn't a total mess. the one that didn't prompt me to go against philosophy and actually vote, for all the good that ended up doing. right. now, as promised...)

"Rock the Vote!" screams a cheesy sign, its message falling upon deaf ears. "Choose or Lose!" shouts another, bringing a smile to the lips of one who has chosen to lose. Catchy MTV style slogans they are -- terse and to the point, while managing with ease to remain completely devoid of any meaning or logical reasoning. Slogans such as these are amusing, not just beacuse of their lack of substance, but because of their very real convincing power -- a power that relies on a populace's unwillingness to think.

Why should I vote? Allow me to enumerate a short list of reasons that may be familiar to the reader.

1. Countless brave Americans boldy sacraficed themselves in numerous wars to provide me with my right to vote. (Guilt = People Died for You.)

Oh yeah? I was under the impression that countless brave Americans sacraficed themselves in numerous wars to satisfy the territorial cravings of bunch of aging elitists. Does "aging elitist" offend you? How about "Congressperson." In all seriousness, I know of only three wars that could be construed as motivated by a concern for the freedom of American Citizens -- the American Revolution, the American Civil War (in which both sides were convinced that they fought for the freedom of all America), and most recently, the Gulf War, in which American oil "rights" were most forecefully promoted and protected. I would be quite skeptical of anyone who attempted to convince me that any other American wars were fought for the benefit of the freedom of the average American. I would strongly question the notion that "humanitarian missions" are executed (planned, funded) for the reasons implied by the name.

2. Voting is a necessary task that members of a democratic society are obligated to perform. By not voting, I am destroying the very fabric of our great nation. (Guilt = You're ruining everything!)

How can I be bound by the obligations and rituals of a society that is involuntary? I did not choose to be an American -- my being so is nothing but a function of my own geography. My beleiving that America is the greatest nation on earth is also a function of my geography. Citizens of Ethiopia doubltess consider Ethiopia to be the greatest nation on earth, though Americans would beg to differ. To argue that I am bound by the customs and rites of American society -- even though I have never formally accepted those customes and rites -- is similar to arguing that I should pay tuition to UC San Diego even though I rejected my admission there. What I am saying is simply this: why should I follow the rules of a game that I did not choose to play? No one asked me to be an American, the obligations were simply forced upon me because of where I was born. (As a point of interest, I agree completely with statement number 2 -- but only when it applies to a voluntary democracy. A free state where the citizens are not free to quit the game is no free state.)

3. There are freedom fighters in ( insert third world nation ) dying to obtain for their children the same right to vote that I was handed on a silver platter. (Guilt = There are starving children in China.)

Anyone who has taken the GE required logic courses at [name of my college] should be able to spot a bad argument here, unless they were asleep on Fallacy Day. The fact that there are people less fortunate than me does not require me to run out and vote. Certainly, I applaud their brave efforts, their noble causes, and their martyred heroes -- but it doesn't follow that I should vote. If I bought a crumb doughnut that you couldn't afford, it does not follow that I would be better off than you if I ate it.

4. By voting, I make my voice heard. By voting, I let the politicians know what I really want.

I can think of much more efficient and effective ways of making my voice heard and letting politicians know what I want. Right now, I am making my voice heard far more effectively than I ever could in some cramped voting booth. If I wanted a politician to know what I thought, I could write a letter, stage a protest, or have a political rally outside his office. (If I wanted a politician to CARE what I thought, I could make a contribution to his campaign fund.) Don't be fooled. By voting, you are not making your voice heard.