January 2006 Archives

okay, i finally got the "bought a new car" posts out of the way, but of course they're incomplete. this was a tremendous life (style) change for me, for a large number of reasons. it was one of the biggest decisions i've ever made (monetarily, future-impactwise, and so forth). i've said before that sometimes i make decisions and then understand them after the fact. there are many aspects of this decision that i am beginning to understand only now.

which is not to say it was an impulse buy. but in many ways, it was.

in many more ways, it was not.

one thing that's become increasingly clear: good god, this car is fun to drive.

not only that, it's a luxurious ride. it's punchy and mean and fast and nimble, but when i'm not driving it like a race car, it's smooth and comfy and soft and pleasant. it's two cars at once and it does both exceedingly well.

i like it a lot.

the one thing i do not like very much is the onboard navigation system. i bought it because i knew that if i didn't -- no matter how much it turned out to suck -- i'd regret later that i hadn't gotten it. so i got it. but it does suck.

a realization:

i am a snob, but i'm not an elitist.

examples:

maury_cohen: whew
maury_cohen: finally posted to the blog
maury_cohen: took me like an hour to write
maury_cohen: hah
maury_cohen: now i can get back to blogging trivial crap about how good my coffee is

better late than never (for some values of "better"). I dont really want to write this anymore but i need to, so I will.

over my xmas break, i joined a new tribe, a new group, a new class of people. i had no illusions about this, and, as with the best of things i do, it was entirely intentional. but first, some history:

i love my car. no, really. love. i've never claimed to be entirely sane. i identify my car with the soul of my long departed much beloved boyhood pet, a dirty, dumb, loveable mutt named "black bear". my car, imbued with the soul of the object of boyhood unrequited friendship, was often my only companion through many months and years of lonely isolation. like black bear, the h2 recovery vehicle did not like to be washed. it smelled funny. it refused to sleep at the foot of my bed. it liked to move fast. and it didn't like me nearly as much as i liked it.

but facts were facts: the old boy had 94000 miles on it, and while there wasn't anything majorly, obviously wrong with it, it was making funny noises sometimes, and it was old and i was constantly worried that something would happen to it, catastrophically. new cars -- even the low end ones -- are much safer, smell nicer, and aren't apt to have a wheel come off in the middle of BumFuct CA, King County.

Whenever I mulled over the prospect of getting a new car, I'd start having buyer's remorse dreams: i bought a new car (always the same car, the infiniti g35), realized that it was too expensive for me to afford, missed the personality of the old car, and was refused a return by the dealer. i was stuck with the new car, unwillingly, for the rest of my life (or at least, the rest of the dream). these were unpleasant.

back in 03 i test drove the lexus is300, acura tl-s, and infiniti g35-s. at the time, i thought the is was underpowered, the tl was boring both inside and out, and the g35 was fun but a little cramped. i had the money to buy at that time: i had been saving up money and reducing expenses exactly for that reason. but by then the expense-reduction lifestyle was so ingrained that I couldn't buy a car: too expensive. and the saturn had only about 50-60k on him. but i'd formed a clear opinion: if i wanted an entry-level luxury sport sedan, it would definitely be the g35. the european cars were all 10k more and less reliable than the japanese, i didn't even bother to drive them.

so, back (forward) to late last december, and i'm once again feeling an urge to get a new car. this time it's more reasonable: 94k miles is a decent reason to get a new car if one can afford it.

but there was a problem: my needs had changed (or so i thought). i'm now an outdoorsy type. i hike and camp and run and get smelly(er). can't do all that in a luxury car. yeah, maybe if my dad was a hilton and i'd driven luxury cars all my life i wouldn't mind. but not my first luxury car: i couldn't get stinky and dirty in there.

but what else, then? my ideal car would be: fuel efficient (the saturn got 37mpg. i calculated it on 2 separate trips. it's a fact), a convertible, 200+hp, sporty, camping-ready. in other words: no such car. or maybe...

i went down to the local subaru dealer and tried to test drive an outback sedan. it nearly fit the bill. but the dealer was a jerk and wouldnt let me drive it more than a block (wtf?). the day was still young, so i said to myself: "self, what the heck? let's go drive a tl. it's a new design since last time". so self and i went over to the acura dealership and test drove the tl. it was nice. self, i, and the cowboy-hat-wearing-salesguy took it on the freeway. it was really really nice. but it wasn't a camping car, it was still a luxury car. but it was really nice, and probably more reliable than a subaru, and about the same price (no, really). yeah, it didn't have AWD or good ground clearance. but maybe i could live without those?

after that, i went on down to the infiniti dealer. why not, after all? i'd just driven a luxury car, why not compare it with another? the plan was to then go check out some jettas or other less-luxury cars.

so i headed on down to the infiniti dealer. they didn't ask for my ID, they just gave me the keys and said "come back when you're done". holy cow.

so i drove around a bit. not as much as i drove the acura: i didn't need to. i could tell right away that for me, the g35 was head and shoulders above the tl. as i've said to anyone who asks: it's just more fun. no, i don't really know what that means. more punchy? tighter steering? who knows? who cares?

a thought occurred to me then: i liked this car in 2003. i liked this car in 2005. there are many other cars that i could buy, and many that i would probably like. but i sure liked this one, why not get it?

it wasn't solid logic. i didn't test drive or look at a lot of cars. normally, when i buy something, i check out all the competition, or at least most of it. here, i hadn't checked out more than 1 other car in its class, and hadn't honestly tried any cars outside its class. was this enough data upon which to base a decision?

apparently, yes. that night i went home and had the "no returns" dream, and the next day i went into the dealership and bought myself a g35.

they had signs on every desk, with big, bold letters, declaring:
"california has no "buyer's remorse" law. you buy it, it's yours." just like my dream. that was tough to overcome.

the details of how I paid for this car (since I paid mostly cash but didn't have most of the mostly cash in liquid form) are an interesting (or not) story, but definitely reserved for a different post.

the important points:

this was the largest purchase i have ever made. it's possible that over a year or two i pay more in rent, but that's spread out. this was one big chunk. it's also a big, long-term expense: the saturn got 37mpg, the g35 gets 25mpg, and that's 25 miles per premium gallon. then there's insurance and oil and the whole shebang.

i made it as an informed-impulse buy. i did not conclusively determine the "best car" and then buy it. but neither did i just walk into a dealer and buy the first car i saw. i did my homework, and i know that this is a car that will last and be nearly as good 3 years hence as it is now. i just don't know much about the competition, and i don't know if i'd have been happy with a passat or a prius or a jeep or what have you. this doesn't bother me much at all. it's just uncharacteristic.

but one thing of which i was very conscious is the "snob appeal" of the brand. there is no doubt about it: infiniti's ad style is to tell you that you're better than everyone else and that's why you should buy their cars. this attitude pervades their ad copy and especially their "welcome to the infiniti family" junk mail. they're elitists. am i an elitist?

i didn't really want to be. when driving the saturn i wasn't. i could blend in in any working-class neighborhood. i could park it and forget it. it had personality, and that personality wasn't "i'm better than you".

it took me a while to come to grips with bay area living. years, in fact. my college mentors told me "you'll come back. you won't fit in up there. it will change you". well, the bay area didn't change me. that is, it didn't change me into a bmw-driving elitist hipster asshole. it changed me into a coffee-roasting weight-lifting hiking-camping-running healthy-eating beer-brewing whiskey-snobbling g35-driving elitist anti-hipster asshole. the bay area exerted its unrelenting force upon my personality, but i pushed back and together we shaped me into something quite different than anyone predicted. and so it will be with my new car. the infiniti brand will exert its snobbish, elitist, "better than everyone" mojo upon me, and i'll push back with my coffee roasting and weight lifting and dirty hiking shoes and we'll both pull through all right.

already, the g35 has changed me, and already i've pushed back. i've taken it hiking, and i've driven it while sick and snotty, and i've worn jeans and sandals in it. i've parked it at draeger's, where it fit right in. i've raced boxters on the freeway and beat them (though i did that just as easily with the saturn). it's carried my coffee roaster and my travel duffel. it's got the trademark hanging sanitizer in the rear seat.

but i mentioned "intent" somewhere up there. it was intentional that i got a snob car. it's the american dream, yes? to pretend one is rich enough to mingle with one's betters. now i can park at draegar's and not feel out of place. i can get valet parking at a fancy restaurant and feel right at home. i've lost my ability to pretend i'm working-class. but which is the greater pretense: the working-class pretense, or the elitist/snob-pretense?

neither was/is genuine. neither defined me as a person. the important question is: which will be better for me in the long term, assuming either choice makes any difference?

i read a lot of Tim Leary in college (funnily enough, I never did any acid). I learned his lesson, and his methods, while accelerated by LSD, do not require drugs. Set and Setting. My Set is the same as always, only my Setting has changed. We'll see where it takes me.

i kept the saturn. it's waiting for me at my parents' house. i need to acquire parking up here and then have my brother drive it up to me. when camping season rolls back around, i'll use it for overnighters. i had to part with my beloved pet, but i don't have to part with my beloved saturn.

it's frobuary 2, YOMHC 0xd. short all over, fifteen bucks, gf approval. who can ax for more?

i haven't posted in a while, a long while. there are several reasons for this:

1) i've been busy enough at work that i don't have time to write anything there besides puff pieces
2) i've been busy enough outside of work that i don't have time to write anything at all
3) some rather large events have shaken up my new year and i've got so much to say about them that the enormity of the task has put me off and backed me up.

anyhow, it's annoying me and it needs to be taken care of. so away we go....

over my xmas vacation, i found myself -- unplanned -- visiting my folks. we had planned to break the tradition and meet outside my ancestral home. our plans were altered and my folks could not get away. we still had a non-traditional xmas, as i showed up on the night of 12/25, so there was no tree and there were no presents, either, besides the ones that i had brought, purchased during a nasty day at the mall with a cold.

back in my hometown i've picked up a new hobby, as persistent readers of the blog will know (not necessarily because they've actually picked up this fact from the blog, but because the set of persistent readers of this blog is actually a perfect subset of the people that personally know me), which is, of course, hiking. in the desert, the weather is (almost) always good for hiking, and that week was no exception.

so i found myself -- four times that week -- on the famous "dog poop trail", and because the weather was cool, i was not alone.

there were people all around. and i felt something. i felt something for them. i thought to myself: these are my people. right here, right now, these are the people with whom i identify. they were rich, they were poor, they were attractive, ugly, male, female, young, old, fit, fat, and of many colors. but they were my people. at that moment, i had more in common with these nameless travelers than with any other people on earth. whatever our reasons, we were all there, and we were all there because we wanted to be there. this wasn't the kind of trail where you'd go if you didn't enjoy a tough hike. nobody was there because they got dragged.

i don't often feel a sense of identity with a group, and never before so strongly as i felt it then. and it felt good, because "my people" were good people. "my people" wasn't smokers or gangsters or car thieves or bank managers, though likely there were members of each of these groups on the trail that day. still, as a group, "my people" were good: health enthusiasts with a strong attraction to the outdoors. like me. and in any direction for several miles, i wouldn't find anyone who wasn't like me.

that's not a situation i often find myself in.

i felt love for my fellow man. it sounds awful cheezy, but it happened. unconditional love for my fellow man, and a little bit of hope for the future of the species.

the experience caused me to reflect on societies (or tribes, if you will). humans are social animals, bred to exist in groups. most humans draw some identity from the groups they belong in ("i am a programmer, i am a white guy, i am a coffee nut"). but that's never worked for me. no matter what groups i joined, i did not identify with its members. amidst the members of my affiliated groups, i did not feel connected. i did not belong. among weightlifters, coffee nuts, beer brewers, programmers, and mystics, it's always the same feeling: "these guys are a bunch of freaks/jerks/morons". never "these are my people".

so i felt, until the moment on the dog poop trail, that i belonged to no group, that i had no tribe of extended family, that i was at home nowhere but home. i did not consider any group essential to my being, i did not let any group influence my self-image.

but that was about to change.

i was about to take membership in a new group, and part of my reason for joining this new group was exactly to change my self-image, and thus to change my self. and so far it's working in ways i did not expect, intend, or possibly even want. so it goes.

more tomorrow ;)

it's Frobuary 13, YOMHC 0xc!

Yeah, it's belated, but i had a busy holiday season. Maybe i'll blog aboot it. maybe not.

okay, maybe.

for the first time ever, upon returning from an away mission, my apt smells nice and looks nice. the carpets are clean and there's no moldy funk. sure, the power went out and everything's a-blinking. sure, the municipal sewer backed up and there was a bit of brownstain on my bathroom floor and in the sink. but the place, overall, smelled nice and had clean carpets.

a new years gift from Me 05 to Me 06. Yay.