yay

so i posted my little whine (okay, to be fair, i think it's a legitimate concern. maybe not even a concern but just a feeling that needed to be out in the open). showed it to W, not sure where things would go from there, but certain they'd go somewhere. the topic required discussion.

she suggested phone.

i pointed out that she wouldn't be able to wipe away tears over the phone (heh).

so i made an unplanned visit. we talked. she wiped. some things that needed to be out in the open made it out in the open, and some things that probably should have been kept under wraps also made it out in the open. oops ;)

people keep telling me that communication is key, and i nod and say "yep". i understand. i believe. but really, i didn't understand and believe on a gut level -- where it really matters -- until last night. we've covered difficult stuff before, but this was far beyond the normal level of difficulty (for me, at least). and what happened?

what happened?

she understood. and she wasn't upset, or offended, or sad, or scared, or disgusted, or any of the negative things i feared. she understands me. we talked and talked and talked, and though i don't think we really came up with a "plan" or a "decision", we opened the door wide for future discussion. that's more important than a "plan" at this point.

and i realized something else, and told it to her :

i love her more now than i did on monday. more than i did a week ago and more than i did a month ago. it's still growing. i'm still growing.

i like it when that happens.