what's on my mind today?

tomorrow is W's birthday, and I'm in charge of making it special.

i love W, in case you haven't noticed, so i want to make it special.

before I met W, it had been a very long time since anyone did anything to make my birthday special. part of that was because i always told everyone (truthfully) that i didn't really care about birthdays. another part was that i didn't have anybody nearby who cared enough to do anything for me then.

i know how that feels, and i can tell that W is excited about her birthday. some people don't care about birthdays. personally, i think birthdays and holidays are about as silly as borders and nationalism. but not everyone shares my views. W doesn't. so for her, i'm excited. and i'll do what i can to make it a memorable day.

i wasn't able to throw together anything super-exciting like a trip in the space shuttle or a tour of the secret tunnels underneath UN plaza in SF. i don't have organizational skills like that. i've never thrown a party for anyone.

but i do have some plans.

they're classic "me", i think. they're a surprise. i hope she will like them. they (mostly) don't depend on where we'll be. they depend on who we'll be with.

at the end of the day, all i can do is my best, and hope that that is good enough. i've been pushing the limits of "my best" for many months now, doing things that i never would have imagined that i could do, doing things that go against my grumpy, lazy, avoidance-over-confrontation instincts. changing my instincts, when they got in the way, and changing myself. pushing my limits.

i'll keep pushing my limits for her, if i must; she's worth the effort. if i can move them, they were never limits after all.